What Jessica Jones Can Teach Us About Abusive Relationships

Abusive relationships are a very real and very horrible problem in our society….Here is what Marvel’s Jessica Jones does to shine a light on this fact.

 

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So I’ve recently watched the TV show Jessica Jones and as I made my way through the show, I started to notice something about the antagonist of the show (played by actor David Tennant) I’ve seen signs on how the antagonist of the show, Kilgrave, though he has super powers, is actually an abuser.

 

Here is what I’ve noticed: In terms of abuse it seems her abusers approach was that of emotional abuse.

What is emotional abuse? It involves a regular pattern of verbal offense, threatening, bullying, and constant criticism, as well as more subtle tactics like intimidation, shaming and manipulation. Emotional abuse is used to control and subjugate the other person, and quite often it occurs because the abuser has childhood wounds and insecurities they haven’t dealt with — perhaps as a result of being abused themselves.

Yes, he has mind controlling powers but the way we have seen them being used, especially on this one character (and the side effects it all had on Jessica Jones) we have seen how he uses it to abuse and control people.

 

  • He is controlling in the sense of always needing to know where she is going, what she is going to be doing, taking her phone and making sure (by making threats he goes through with) she is back within certain time frames.

 

  • Her abuser also plays the victim. (common trait in most abusers) That the actual victim of the abuser is making them do things or something else made them do it. Like things are his victims fault. an example was a conversation in Episode 7 that Jones has with her abuser. (its a little later in the post) There was a time where he would make Jessica Jones hurt herself then make himself save her, pretending to protect her and be the hero or he would make statements such as: “You never appreciate anything I do for you.” making himself the victim and turning it around on Jones herself. Making her think he wasn’t doing anything wrong.

 

  • After her leaving him and getting out of his control, Kilgrave is dead set on finding her and has developed stalker like behaviors (which he probably had before to some extent). Taking photos of her, having others take photos of her and follow her (etc.) Which leads into my last point. Abusers isolate the victim of the abuse. In the scene I’m gonna share in a moment you see this play out in terms of the fact that her abuser is trying to isolate her from everyone she knows. (In this case, killing people close to her doesn’t stop this guy but this is a TV show and a super villain we are talking about in this sense.) In return he is telling her things, professing feelings for her and in result trying to make sure she is isolated and only hearing his words and his opinions.

*spoilers following as I am going to discuss the conversation in this specific scene*

Kilgrave: “I will admit to keeping eyes on you. Spies are easy to come by for me.”

Jones: “Do whatever you are going to do to me, but let them go.” (There is a hostage scene taking place here as Kilgrave is using his powers to hold a whole room of people hostage)

Kilgrave: “Well I have to protect myself so…”

Jones: “Then control me, not them.”

Kilgrave: “I have absolutely no intention of controlling you. I want you to act on your own accord.”

She (Jones) asks: “Act how? Suicide? Is that why you’ve been torturing me?”

Kilgrave, her abuser, then states: “*chuckles* Oh my God, Jessica, I knew you were insecure. That’s just sad. I’m not torturing you. Why would I? I love you.

 

The scene continues and Jones calls her abuser out on his actions calling them a ‘demented declaration of love.’ and how he ruined her life in this act. She couldn’t be any closer to the truth.

Her abuser then says he was trying to make her see “That I’m the only one who matches you… Who challenges you… Who’ll do anything for you.” – In any other case this might almost sound romantic because who doesn’t want to be with someone who will do anything for you or challenges you for the better? But as you can see its not romantic. Not in this sense. Not when he is stalking her, killing her friends and family (he killed a young man who claimed to love Jessica), and becoming obsessive….Trying to get her back.

He then becomes angry (he’s very short fused.) when someones cell phone rings and it interrupts his professing ‘eternal love’

 

 

 

Now sure, no one has superpowers either so this whole abusive situation might be over-dramatized for the show but I feel Marvel was clever in this sense. They took a mind controlling super villain and used him and his abilities to shine a light on abuse. What that looks like and how it might appear to the victim as well. You don’t have to have powers to control or harm someone. If you did this wouldn’t be a real problem, would it? But despite the fact that this character has powers it doesn’t change the fact that he is an abuser and I think Marvel did a really good job in conveying that and not portraying an antagonists actions as okay or somewhat acceptable as most media might convey things.

 

Haha Oops…. :A Stolen Tag and Many Apologies

*peeks in* Uh…Hi. Its me.

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Before you go accusing me, NOOOO I DID NOT FORGET I HAVE A BLOG… *cough cough* Not at allllllll how dare you assume things.

Okay, but really. This blogging thing…

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SO I do have a writing post coming ok?? I promise! But for now I kinda partially stole and was partially tagged by Liz  @Out of Coffee, Out of Mind for this Get To Know Me tag. I figured, a lot of you may know a lot about me but the last time I did one of these was last year. And I’m a new person now! Cause like…Im an adult…who is supposed to be adulting…and kinda failing but also succeeding?? ANYWAYS. On with the tag and I promise I will get a writing post soonish!

 

Vital Stats—

Name: Adriana Gabrielle Lister (BAM! You now have my last name…I mean I’m sure I’ve mentioned it before but yeahhhhh )

Nicknames: Adrie, Age, Dee Dee, Dilly (not called that one so much anymore. Sometimes it randomly comes up though) and I have lots of others. Like ask my friend Kolton. He and my sister are masterminds working together to give me nicknames all the time and what not….

Birthday: June 3rd

Place of birth: Edmonton, Alberta

Star Sign: Uhhh I think Gemini? I think… I don’t really pay attention to that.

Occupation: I am a Cashier and also an (unpaid) writer and blogger…Though I’m kinda failing at both writing related things right now. But I’m trying. E for Effort right?

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Appearance—

Hair color: Blonde…but yet my hair also looks red sometimes too depending on the light. When I dyed by hair a few years ago, it kinda absorbed the color more than it should have so now my hair looks red sometimes… 😛

Hair length: Right now its at my shoulders… Was past my butt before I got it cut last spring LOL

Eye color: They be blue.

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Best feature: Uhhh…I don’t know LOL I don’t really have one???

Braces:  Never had them. I don’t really need them. I mean they are an option if I want them but I don’t…

Piercings: Got my ears pierced…I think I was like 6 months when I got them pierced.

Tattoos: Don’t have one..yet. But I’m debating getting one (maybe two! :O ) this summer or fall!

Righty or lefty: Lefty

Firsts—

First best friend: My first best friend was a girl named Roya! We were absolute besties in Kindergarten to grade 2 or 3. After that we lost contact for many years but then, wouldn’t ya know it (perks of being a cashier at a grocery store) I actually ran into her nearing Christmas time! It was kinda cool to see her around. I’ve kinda chatted with her on and off over FB a bit this last while but yeah. She was my first best friend. Hands down.

Award: I won a trophy and medal in soccer when I was like 8? I was the most lazy player ever 😄 I still kinda am if I have to play soccer. Its better if you just don’t play with me at all… HAHA

Sport: *see above* Though….if Dance counts as a sport I do Swing Dancing 😀 (I’ve also done LOTS of other dance styles over the years)

Real holiday: Uh what Holiday comes after June 3rd? Whatever that was in the year 1997… 😄

Concert: Oh my. Ummmm I THINK it was a Johnny Lang concert when I was about 5 years old. I vaguely remember it and I know we had moved away from Edmonton at that point…so yeah. About 5 or 6.  And I am just saying, I am the reason my parents got backstage to meet Johnny Lang….because I wanted to. So my parents took me to the security guard so I could ask to meet him. And of course I was 5 years old, and so freaking adorable so my parents and I got to go backstage and meet him!

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Favorites—

Film: Uuuuuuugh. I don’t know. I think, in all honestly, when it comes down to it my favourite is tied between Disney’s Beauty and the Beast OR The Little Mermaid.

TV show: Agent Carter OR Doctor Who OR Sherlock. Top 3. Right there.

Color: ORANGE!!!! (really. If you haven’t guessed by now with all the orange font stuff I use in my posts or how much I TALK about the color orange then…)

Song: Hahahaaaaa thats cute. Really it is. I honestly couldn’t tell you what my favourite song would be… I have SO many Spotify playlists its not even funny.

Restaurant: Joey’s Seafood probably (because Seafood) OR Street-side Eatery. I love both those places.

Shop: Chapters. Duh.

Book: Really? This is even more adorable than the song question. I once again can’t really pick just one. But Jennifer Niven’s All The Bright Places is high on the list.

Magazine: Ummm…. a- uh- mothering magazine filled with birth stories. I know! I know! It kinda sounds really really weird (its why I hide the magazine and don’t keep it on my bookshelf so people who don’t really know don’t judge me) but I am considering getting my training to be a doula/midwife. So yeahhhhh…..

Shoes: Can my favourite shoes be a pair I do not have in my possession quite yet??? Because I’m gonna be (FINALLY) purchasing a pair of saddle shoes… they are already my favourite and not even in my possession as of yet.

 

Currently…

Feeling: Pretty darn great!

Single or taken: Single

Eating: Nothing…I’m chewing some cinnamon heart gum though.

Listening to: ‘You’ll Be In My Heart’ from Disney’s Tarzan.

Thinking about: how I cannot wait for Monday (usually I don’t look forward to Mondays…but Swing Dance classes are a thing that happen on those days now.)

Watching: Uh myself type the words of this post….

Wearing: Some sweat pants, my grey Swingbridge Dance Club tank top, my mums grey Halo headband AND a new wrap bracelet I got.

Future—

Want children: Yes!

Want to be married:  Totalllllllly! 😀

Careers in mind: Midwife/Doula, Youth Leader, and/or Author

Where do you want to live: Somewhere not too terribly cold… I don’t do cold.

Do you believe in…

God: Absolutely!

Miracles: Yes!

Love at first sight: Indeed I do!

Ghosts: Sort of, yes. I believe some or most of what we see in fiction and movies is fake but I do believe there are ghosts/spirits and they are not always pleasant.

Aliens: Nope

Soul mates: Yes

Heaven: Absolutely

Hell: Absolutely.

Kissing on the first date: Ahem. EW.

Yourself: Uhhh yes? HAHA

 

So this is my lovely tag thing!! If you want you can steal it and if you don’t want to you don’t have to! (I don’t know who to tag.)

 

Writing Post coming soon!

 

Adriana G.