How To Find Peace In Your Imperfections

Hello Loves!

This week has been super crazy with work and school and my boyfriend visiting and I forgot to post this guest post by the lovely Molly Shaffer. So I’ll step aside and let her take over the blog today.


For over three decades, I’ve struggled with self-hate. So much so that I couldn’t stand to see the woman staring back at me in the mirror. The world said I had to change in order to be beautiful. My face, without makeup, was not beautiful. The stretch marks that etched across my body were not beautiful. The cellulite, pimples, smile lines, and God knows how many other countless flaws, were not beautiful. In fact, there was nothing redeeming about me, and beautiful was a word meant for other people, not someone as broken as me. Lies!

This past year, the infamous 2016, was my year of self-growth. My New Year’s Resolution was different from my past ones, the ones where a number defined my life. In 2016, I made the resolution to become healthy: mind, body, and soul. Little did I know that uttering those words would send me on the most gut-wrenching journey of my life. A year of pain, growth, and ultimately, the beginnings of self-love…truly, honestly, lasting self-love.

How did I do it? How did I go from an inability to stare at my own reflection to becoming my own champion? Faith, quiet time, and most importantly, banishing the negative thoughts that were at war in my head. It took a lifetime to hate myself, and a year to come to peace, but it will take a daily commitment to choose love, in order to make lasting changes in my life. This is how you begin the process. This is where change resides. Not in a miracle pill or fad diet, but in rewiring your brain. Realizing that weight is truly just a number, but health runs much deeper than beauty ever will.


Step 1: Recognize the lies

One morning, I woke up ready to start a brand new day. I had a song in my head and a smile on my lips, but one step in front of the mirror, and my entire mood changed. Like a light switch turning off in my head, I felt the negativity creep in. My hair was in disarray, and my mascara smeared under my eyes, creating dark circles that would make a raccoon envious. I sat at my vanity, my head in my hands, and I cried. What happened to that strong woman from a second ago? Where did the warriorNowherewhere. She was inside me at that very moment. I had silenced her with a lie.

I picked up my head, and forced myself to look in the mirror. My eyes watered, but I refused to look away. I stared until my face blurred, and I ignored the menacing voice in my head…the liar. Slowly, ever so slowly, I began to make out an image. A cute button nose and full lips. Finally, a positive thought. I liked my nose and my lips. I ran with these thoughts, and as soon as the liar emerged once again, I had a weapon. Sure my eyebrows need to be shaped, but have you seen my nose. Damn, that’s a good nose. I took that first step, which lead to two more, and then, I was running.


Step 2: Find a Mantra

The negativity had defined me for far too long. The time had come to find my life quote…the one I could use to defeat the enemy…my war cry. I read through scripture until I came across the verse that spoke to my soul. Philippians 4:13: “I can do all things through Christ.” I had read this verse many times before, but for some reason it held a new meaning for me. I can do anything. Anything. Give up the bad habits. Strengthen my body and soul. Heck, I could even love myself. Why not? My life verse echoed…all things. The key word being all. I can do this. I will do this.

You may not be religious, and that is okay. Find your life verse. The verse that clings to you, or better yet, the verse you cling to. You’re going to need it, because the liar is strong in you. You’re going to need a mantra to defeat that cycle of abuse. Find your verse, memorize it, and repeat it until it sticks. Over and over again, like a song on repeat. You can do this.


Step 3: Phone a Friend

I have an accountability partner. Her name is Jessica, and she is my sister from a different mister. There are moments that I feel we are the same person in different bodies. Kindred souls thousands of miles apart. It’s kind of freaky how well we mesh. The best part, I can be real with this woman, and she doesn’t judge me. She pours truth into my life, refuses to sugar coat my failures, or accept my excuses. She isn’t harsh in her redirections. I don’t need a drill sergeant. I need a friend. Someone I can cry out to and laugh with. Jessica is that friend to me.

My journey will not work if I try it alone. I can talk myself into some stupid mistakes. “Go ahead, girl, you deserve a slice of that chocolate cake…no, you deserve the whole cake.” So, before I make a bad choice, I text Jessica. She either affirms my madness, or gently redirects me. Find your Jessica. She’s out there.


Step 4: Give Yourself Grace

You’re going to screw up. It’s inevitable. The best thing you can do when you muck everything up, is to realize you haven’t really mucked everything up. Stand up, dust off your bum, and get back on course. So you failed: who cares? That’s part of the process. Don’t slit your other three tires because you have a flat (I love that analogy). Give yourself the same grace you would give to your best friend, because after all, you need to begin seeing yourself as your best friend.


Step 5: Perfect isn’t Real

For most of my life, I sought perfection, until recently. I read this amazing book, Present Over Perfect, and I had an epiphany. Perfect is cold. Perfect is plastic. Perfect isn’t real. I want warm, comfortable, snuggly, and sometimes that comes with messy, flawed, and blemished…and that’s okay.

The price I paid for perfection is profuse. I spent countless hours inspecting my physique, holding myself to severe standards, and beating myself up when I didn’t reach the unattainable. Sound familiar? It’s the anthem of our world. Kill yourself so others will love you. Well, I say, love yourself and kill the negativity. Once you can see the lies you’ve believed about yourself are just that…lies…you can begin to speak truth into your soul. That’s where real transformation begins, and I’m here to tell you, life on the other side is great!

If you’d like to read more about my journey to self-love, visit my website: I’ll be the one with the love of words. The messy chick with a crooked grin. But guess what, I’ll be the one smiling!

Loving Who God Made You To Be

Hello there lovelies!

Today we have a guest post from my friend Cori. She was one of the first people to volunteer to write a blog post for this new blog post series I wanna do throughout the year and I LOVE what she has to say.

I hope you all receive some encouragement from this lovely gals words of wisdom.


Well, it’s a new year again and our social media is filled with “New year new me” posts and new years resolutions that will last a couple of weeks.  Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t see anything wrong with trying to better yourself, but when its all about me, me, me I think we might just be missing the point. My resolution is to grow closer to Christ and to love who He made me.
        The world tells us that it is all about you. You do you. You only live once. I agree to make the most of your life but when your life revolves around you and you only that isn’t exactly what God has planned. God tells us to live humbly and to always put your neighbor before yourself. He tells us to give a homeless man the clothes off our backs if he doesn’t have any. He tells us to pray for our enemies and love them no matter the harm they’ve caused you.  That may not be very easy, but that is what we are called to. There is a difference between loving who God made you and being a self centered jerk
        Now my life hasn’t been that easy. I was sexually abused, I’ve harmed myself and did for many years, and I even attempted suicide. Growing up I’ve had major self esteem problems.  I would look at myself in the mirror and hate everything about my reflection. I would cry at night because I wasn’t good enough for society or even myself. It wasn’t until recently, actually, that I realized  I wasn’t living how God had planned. It took a mental hospital being waved over my head for me to finally get my act together.  My point is this: God made you who you are for a reason and you are perfectly and wonderfully made. He planned out every inch of you, beautifully, inside of your mother and God, the God of the universe, does not make mistakes. (Psalms 139:13-18)
        Now I pray that in this new year you learn to love yourself for who God made you. Not for what the world wants you to be. Serve your Lord with all your heart soul and mind and love every bit of yourself because the creator of everything there ever was and is to come made you and that is pretty amazing if you think about it.
    Now I still deal with all of these things today. I am not saying that life is gonna be a bundle of joy on a sunny day. Life sucks, there’s no other way to put it, but it is so much easier to have hope and to love who God made you to be then to dwell on things and to try to be this perfect person society makes the standard out to be. You will never be perfect. You will never be “Good enough” , but you know what? That’s why Christ died for us. So that in Him we are good enough and always will be. God doesn’t look at us for all the bad things we have done.  He looks at us as perfect, just as He made us perfectly.

“Lord help me to love who You made me to be. Help me serve you in any way that i can in this new year. I pray that in the new year i grow spiritually and grow to love others more than myself, thank you for all these blessings, i pray that my self esteem will be high this year. In your name I pray , Amen.”

Yours Truly,
Cori Heck

Tragedies and Trauma|| How To Convey Emotion As An Aftermath of Trauma

Hello Readers!

So, I wrote this post a while ago on another blog of mine ‘Pen Pals of Peculiar Personalities‘ and I really like the post and wanted to share it with you all over here on this blog today! So here you lovely people go! (Yeah, I blog on another writing website also 😉 I do a few different things than on here)

So, today I want to kind of talk about writing tragedies (or tragic things that have happened with your character) and how to effectively convey emotions that might come along with it or in the aftermath of it all.

So, in a handful of my novels I have had characters who come from broken homes, abusive relationships or they had become a rape victim and such things like that. Now when I say those things, you might cringe and probably wonder what a seventeen year old is doing writing stories like that…(Now you understand why I kept ‘Holding on To Grace’ (my novel about a girl who becomes pregnant from rape) under wraps for these last couple years because I was rather young when I started it.)

While writing these different scenarios I have learned one thing and that is that it’s not so much what you do to the character but how they react that will make it all believable. I mean, obviously what happens to the character (whether in the novel or never actually shown) needs to be realistic but what comes after that is the realistic reaction to what happened. Sometimes it is obvious what the effects of that said ‘traumatic’ or ‘tragic’ event might cause either emotionally or physically but some things are harder to depict. This is where either, going with your gut and going with the reaction you think fits/works or sometimes asking either a friend or other writers input is helpful too.

Another way I will try to figure out how one would react in a certain case of trauma would be to take a look at this. This list gives the most common examples of reaction to trauma. (Because everyone treats and reacts to it differently meaning your characters will too.)


Sometimes you may find, by looking at this list that your character suffers from some of these side effects. (instead of just one) and (I am no professional who knows how the human brain works and reacts to trauma or tragic experiences) that is usually normal when it comes to this. Or one thing accompanies another just depending on the situation.


Let me just give you a couple examples from my different novels and WIP’s (works in progress)

#1: Claire Tyler

Situation: Parents were murdered in front of her when she was eight. (yes, she is halfway to becoming batman in case you were wondering) Since then she has been in and out of foster homes and has suffered bullying many times either from school or from the other foster kids in the homes.

Effects That Has On Her: Depression, Insomnia/Flashbacks and Nightmares, Little or no memories, Loss of sense of Hope for future and Self harm.


#2: Tarryn McPherson

Situation: Parents died when she was 6 years old. (Was separated from her older brother as they were taken to different homes) Has never really fit in with any families. Was sexually assaulted when she was twelve and a couple years later was adopted by a nice family but the situation soon became both a emotional and physical abusive one.

Effects That Has On Her: Irritability, Eating Disorder (wants to look ‘perfect’ to hide that she is falling apart on the inside), Depression, Emotionally overwhelmed, and Worthlessness.

#3 Billie Crane

Situation: Was living in an abusive home for eleven years and was raped by her friend which then caused her to flee, in terror of her father’s wrath being taken out on her (even more so than before) or her baby.

Effects That Has On Her: Emotionally Overwhelmed, Nightmares/Flashbacks, Shame and Worthlessness and Loss of Interest.


As you can see from my examples here, most often times it’s never just one thing that plagues a person because maybe, for example, the Insomnia is due to nightmares or flashbacks. (or pick a different set of reactions) Most often times (depending on the severity or said experience) one is linked to another and really its a long chain your character will have to break one link at a time to be free from it. Though with some things there may always be that fear that that feeling could come back one day or maybe that one thing they feel will never leave fully and will always be lurking. That all really depends on the story itself and how your character is overall. Because, remember not one character acts the same even if put in the same situation.
Hope this helped you all my lovely readers! (I feel so terrible writing these posts but yet sadly, torturing our characters to build them up stronger, and maybe even better, than before must be done 😦 ) Oh! and also, this list of sorts really help me figure out a characters personality but another post that I have also found helpful was that written by my friend Carissa on her blog! That post is how to make insecurity maps for ones characters and let me tell you that technique works wonderfully! Click HERE to check that out too!


Until Next Time!

Adriana Gabrielle