Let Me Tell You A Story

A story about a boy and a girl who fell in love almost 4 years ago.

Who lived 16 hours apart and quickly became best friends.

Who chose to give a long distance relationship a try.

Who have now been dating almost 2 years.

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Photo of me and my man taken by Marley Felicia Photography

So as you all know it’s Valentine’s day and because of that I want to share about how my boyfriend and I met and basically just use this opportunity to try and explain what an amazing human my boyfriend is. Basically it’s gonna be a lovey dovey post so if that isn’t your things then you can stop here.

Kolton and I met through online school in October 2014. We both bonded over our love for video games, more specifically Skyrim, which happened to be both our favourites. True nerd love right there. After that, we texted and/or video chatted every single day. Just talking and getting to know each other. It wasn’t until the early spring of 2015 when I told him I liked him, even though I liked him pretty soon after we started talking and at first he said he didn’t like me back but we still kept talking and getting to know each other and it wasn’t soon after that Kolton told me he liked me back.

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First time we met

The first time we ever met in person was at a conference in May 2015. I remember being so nervous to meet him worried we would meet in person and everything would go so wrong and he wouldn’t like me after that. But then he let me borrow a huge box of books so clearly it was love…Okay but book jokes aside it was scary to meet him! Cause I liked him so much and I was worried I wouldn’t be who he thought I was or I would make a fool of myself.  That following July he came to my house the first time and I was head over heels by this point and I knew I wanted to date him one day. Sometime after that I asked him to be my escort for grad in June 2016. I’m not sure when but I asked him anyways but in hindsight I was such a nervous wreck about it. I kept dropping NOT so subtle hints cause I was so scared to ask him. But the whole time he was patient and waited for me to actually say it. (In hindsight it was also a total embarassment…but in the end it got me a hot date for my grad/next few years of my life so its not all that bad) Up until my Grad in June 2016 we met up as often as we could, Kolton staying at my house with me and my family for a few days to a week at a time. We officially became a couple and started dating June 13th 2016 (after both his and my grad as we were each other’s escorts) and it’s been a beautiful and sometimes crazy and frustrating journey all the same.

Despite all insanity of every day I’m reminded why I love Kolton. 

Aside from the obvious that I find him extremely good looking, he is such a funny person. He always knows how to make me laugh and his pun game is on point. (Hello, we took a photo in a corn feild during our photoshoot because he said it would be a corny photo…)

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He has always been kind and caring – always so considerate of everyone and how they feel. Like, if you have met this guy you know what I mean. I have never met a more caring soul in my lifetime. He just genuinely cares for everyone he crosses paths with. And though I bug him about being too social (any introverts in the house?? or is it just me?) it’s really an admirable quality I wish I had.

He goes out of his way to help friends, family or myself when we need it withough batting an eye. I remember over Christmas break this year he knew my mum was going out and so he went outside and cleaned off her vehicle so it was ready for her to go. There has also been countless times he has made food for me just because or taken care of me when life has gotten tough or I’ve been sick.

21369506_837905106364039_6442237584558746585_nHe is my best friend and number one support. And despite my impatience and wanting to just get engaged/married already (I mean why wouldn’t I?) he always reminds me to be patient and to wait on God’s timing. Sometimes he annoys me so much because he keeps reminding me I need to be patient and wait on God for things and while it’s annoying as heck cause I just want to do what I want on my own time sometimes (I’ll admit to my impatience. I’m working on it) he ALWAYS points me back to God and reminds me to be patient and trust God with everything.

 

So yeah. This is our little story. Hope you enjoyed it and Happy Valentines Day everyone! I hope your day is filled with overwhelming amounts of joy and love you can carry with you for the rest of your life.

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What Jessica Jones Can Teach Us About Abusive Relationships

Abusive relationships are a very real and very horrible problem in our society….Here is what Marvel’s Jessica Jones does to shine a light on this fact.

 

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So I’ve recently watched the TV show Jessica Jones and as I made my way through the show, I started to notice something about the antagonist of the show (played by actor David Tennant) I’ve seen signs on how the antagonist of the show, Kilgrave, though he has super powers, is actually an abuser.

 

Here is what I’ve noticed: In terms of abuse it seems her abusers approach was that of emotional abuse.

What is emotional abuse? It involves a regular pattern of verbal offense, threatening, bullying, and constant criticism, as well as more subtle tactics like intimidation, shaming and manipulation. Emotional abuse is used to control and subjugate the other person, and quite often it occurs because the abuser has childhood wounds and insecurities they haven’t dealt with — perhaps as a result of being abused themselves.

Yes, he has mind controlling powers but the way we have seen them being used, especially on this one character (and the side effects it all had on Jessica Jones) we have seen how he uses it to abuse and control people.

 

  • He is controlling in the sense of always needing to know where she is going, what she is going to be doing, taking her phone and making sure (by making threats he goes through with) she is back within certain time frames.

 

  • Her abuser also plays the victim. (common trait in most abusers) That the actual victim of the abuser is making them do things or something else made them do it. Like things are his victims fault. an example was a conversation in Episode 7 that Jones has with her abuser. (its a little later in the post) There was a time where he would make Jessica Jones hurt herself then make himself save her, pretending to protect her and be the hero or he would make statements such as: “You never appreciate anything I do for you.” making himself the victim and turning it around on Jones herself. Making her think he wasn’t doing anything wrong.

 

  • After her leaving him and getting out of his control, Kilgrave is dead set on finding her and has developed stalker like behaviors (which he probably had before to some extent). Taking photos of her, having others take photos of her and follow her (etc.) Which leads into my last point. Abusers isolate the victim of the abuse. In the scene I’m gonna share in a moment you see this play out in terms of the fact that her abuser is trying to isolate her from everyone she knows. (In this case, killing people close to her doesn’t stop this guy but this is a TV show and a super villain we are talking about in this sense.) In return he is telling her things, professing feelings for her and in result trying to make sure she is isolated and only hearing his words and his opinions.

*spoilers following as I am going to discuss the conversation in this specific scene*

Kilgrave: “I will admit to keeping eyes on you. Spies are easy to come by for me.”

Jones: “Do whatever you are going to do to me, but let them go.” (There is a hostage scene taking place here as Kilgrave is using his powers to hold a whole room of people hostage)

Kilgrave: “Well I have to protect myself so…”

Jones: “Then control me, not them.”

Kilgrave: “I have absolutely no intention of controlling you. I want you to act on your own accord.”

She (Jones) asks: “Act how? Suicide? Is that why you’ve been torturing me?”

Kilgrave, her abuser, then states: “*chuckles* Oh my God, Jessica, I knew you were insecure. That’s just sad. I’m not torturing you. Why would I? I love you.

 

The scene continues and Jones calls her abuser out on his actions calling them a ‘demented declaration of love.’ and how he ruined her life in this act. She couldn’t be any closer to the truth.

Her abuser then says he was trying to make her see “That I’m the only one who matches you… Who challenges you… Who’ll do anything for you.” – In any other case this might almost sound romantic because who doesn’t want to be with someone who will do anything for you or challenges you for the better? But as you can see its not romantic. Not in this sense. Not when he is stalking her, killing her friends and family (he killed a young man who claimed to love Jessica), and becoming obsessive….Trying to get her back.

He then becomes angry (he’s very short fused.) when someones cell phone rings and it interrupts his professing ‘eternal love’

 

 

 

Now sure, no one has superpowers either so this whole abusive situation might be over-dramatized for the show but I feel Marvel was clever in this sense. They took a mind controlling super villain and used him and his abilities to shine a light on abuse. What that looks like and how it might appear to the victim as well. You don’t have to have powers to control or harm someone. If you did this wouldn’t be a real problem, would it? But despite the fact that this character has powers it doesn’t change the fact that he is an abuser and I think Marvel did a really good job in conveying that and not portraying an antagonists actions as okay or somewhat acceptable as most media might convey things.