What Jessica Jones Can Teach Us About Abusive Relationships

Abusive relationships are a very real and very horrible problem in our society….Here is what Marvel’s Jessica Jones does to shine a light on this fact.

 

jessica_jones_ritter

 

So I’ve recently watched the TV show Jessica Jones and as I made my way through the show, I started to notice something about the antagonist of the show (played by actor David Tennant) I’ve seen signs on how the antagonist of the show, Kilgrave, though he has super powers, is actually an abuser.

 

Here is what I’ve noticed: In terms of abuse it seems her abusers approach was that of emotional abuse.

What is emotional abuse? It involves a regular pattern of verbal offense, threatening, bullying, and constant criticism, as well as more subtle tactics like intimidation, shaming and manipulation. Emotional abuse is used to control and subjugate the other person, and quite often it occurs because the abuser has childhood wounds and insecurities they haven’t dealt with — perhaps as a result of being abused themselves.

Yes, he has mind controlling powers but the way we have seen them being used, especially on this one character (and the side effects it all had on Jessica Jones) we have seen how he uses it to abuse and control people.

 

  • He is controlling in the sense of always needing to know where she is going, what she is going to be doing, taking her phone and making sure (by making threats he goes through with) she is back within certain time frames.

 

  • Her abuser also plays the victim. (common trait in most abusers) That the actual victim of the abuser is making them do things or something else made them do it. Like things are his victims fault. an example was a conversation in Episode 7 that Jones has with her abuser. (its a little later in the post) There was a time where he would make Jessica Jones hurt herself then make himself save her, pretending to protect her and be the hero or he would make statements such as: “You never appreciate anything I do for you.” making himself the victim and turning it around on Jones herself. Making her think he wasn’t doing anything wrong.

 

  • After her leaving him and getting out of his control, Kilgrave is dead set on finding her and has developed stalker like behaviors (which he probably had before to some extent). Taking photos of her, having others take photos of her and follow her (etc.) Which leads into my last point. Abusers isolate the victim of the abuse. In the scene I’m gonna share in a moment you see this play out in terms of the fact that her abuser is trying to isolate her from everyone she knows. (In this case, killing people close to her doesn’t stop this guy but this is a TV show and a super villain we are talking about in this sense.) In return he is telling her things, professing feelings for her and in result trying to make sure she is isolated and only hearing his words and his opinions.

*spoilers following as I am going to discuss the conversation in this specific scene*

Kilgrave: “I will admit to keeping eyes on you. Spies are easy to come by for me.”

Jones: “Do whatever you are going to do to me, but let them go.” (There is a hostage scene taking place here as Kilgrave is using his powers to hold a whole room of people hostage)

Kilgrave: “Well I have to protect myself so…”

Jones: “Then control me, not them.”

Kilgrave: “I have absolutely no intention of controlling you. I want you to act on your own accord.”

She (Jones) asks: “Act how? Suicide? Is that why you’ve been torturing me?”

Kilgrave, her abuser, then states: “*chuckles* Oh my God, Jessica, I knew you were insecure. That’s just sad. I’m not torturing you. Why would I? I love you.

 

The scene continues and Jones calls her abuser out on his actions calling them a ‘demented declaration of love.’ and how he ruined her life in this act. She couldn’t be any closer to the truth.

Her abuser then says he was trying to make her see “That I’m the only one who matches you… Who challenges you… Who’ll do anything for you.” – In any other case this might almost sound romantic because who doesn’t want to be with someone who will do anything for you or challenges you for the better? But as you can see its not romantic. Not in this sense. Not when he is stalking her, killing her friends and family (he killed a young man who claimed to love Jessica), and becoming obsessive….Trying to get her back.

He then becomes angry (he’s very short fused.) when someones cell phone rings and it interrupts his professing ‘eternal love’

 

 

 

Now sure, no one has superpowers either so this whole abusive situation might be over-dramatized for the show but I feel Marvel was clever in this sense. They took a mind controlling super villain and used him and his abilities to shine a light on abuse. What that looks like and how it might appear to the victim as well. You don’t have to have powers to control or harm someone. If you did this wouldn’t be a real problem, would it? But despite the fact that this character has powers it doesn’t change the fact that he is an abuser and I think Marvel did a really good job in conveying that and not portraying an antagonists actions as okay or somewhat acceptable as most media might convey things.

 

Advertisements

Jesus Called. He Wants His Church Back (Book Review)

I was recently given a copy of Jesus Called: He Wants His Church Back by Ray Johnston to review from Book Look Bloggers.

 

_240_360_book-1875-cover

As early as AD 50, Christians had gotten away from knowing who Jesus really is. Our generation is no different.

In every decade we, as Americans, lost something important that we couldn’t afford to lose: • In the 1950s, we lost innocence • In the 1960s, we lost respect for authority • In the 1970s, we lost love • In the 1980s, we lost values • In the 1990s, we lost faith • In the 2000s, we lost security • In the 2010s, we lost hope in the future

What can restore what we’ve lost? Only Jesus. Jesus gave us His name, His friendship, and a commission to accept responsibility for ourselves and for the world. When introduced to His words and ways we’ll rediscover the Jesus who:

• Wants His enemies won over, not wiped out • Wants you to stop playing it safe • Believed great things were possible no matter what things are like right now • Was full of grace and truth • Unleashed compassion • Believed no one was too far from God to return to Him • Came to seek and to save that which was lost • Loves the church

Pastor Ray Johnston shares the Jesus of the Bible and how we can be Christians without being jerks. He reveals how the radical message of the gospel calls us to love and serve not only our neighbors but our enemies as well. That’s the Jesus the American Church has missed and needs to meet.

Jesus’ mission is clear—risk everything in order to take care of people, starting in our home, neighborhoods, cities, and those in need around the world. That’s the Jesus the American Church has missed and needs to meet.

 

My Thoughts

I wasn’t entirely sure what this book would entail and I’m still not sure what to make of it. The book wasn’t bad! Just not what I was expecting. I’m unsure if maybe it;s the fact I’m still getting used to reading more non-fiction or what. I’m starting to ease myself into non-fiction books so sometimes I don’t know what to expect. Aside from that fact I quite enjoyed the book. Though for a non-fiction this one was very factual. In this novel the writer discusses how, since the 50’s, the church and Christianity has changed.  The one thing that jumped out to me was the following statement by the author:

  • In the 1950s, we lost innocence.
  • In the 1960s, we lost respect for authority.
  • In the 1970s, we lost love.
  • In the 1980s, we lost values.
  • In the 1990s, we lost faith.
  • In the 2000s, we lost security.
  • In the 2010s, we lost hope in the future.

This was definitely a good read with facts on the church and how it has fallen from God in some senses then this is definitely a good read

 

 

Upcoming….

So life has been insane…but here is whats coming up.

 

A photo by Tim Arterbury. unsplash.com/photos/VkwRmha1_tI

So long story short, my computer bit the dust. ( *weeps* ) its why I haven’t been blogging as of late because work has been crazy, my boyfriend was visiting AND I haven’t had the chance to get to the library long enough to actually write up a blog post or two…BUT here I am. At the library writing away and I’m popping in to tell you whats coming up.

 

  1. Sometime in this next week I have a blog hop post for Author Jennifer Murgia and her spooky novels! (Just in time for halloween!) – long story short it was supposed to be done today but see reasons above relating to my computer and now I have no graphics for the post either 😦

2. November 2nd – Unwritten Melody by Tessa Emily Hall Blog Tour

3. Early November (No set date yet) – I’m REALLY excited to bring a music review of a family friends newly released album. Just need some time to listen to the album and write up a post

4. More life posts! 

5 Things I’ve Learned from Moving Out

Its only been under a week and I’ve already learned so much…

 

214h

So here we go! Here are 5 things I have learned from moving out!

1. Time to put your big person pants and adult it up.

Some things your parents may do or have done for you up until you moved out… but NOW its time to do it on your own. [insert dramatic music here]

Things like doing your own laundry, cleaning, dishes, and grocery shopping all need to be done by you. (and you gotta pay for it too. So get ready to pay up 😉 )

Also time management is a pretty big deal. Figuring out your own time and managing it well is still a skill I’m working on…and I already thought I was good at it before I moved out. Depending how things go for you, you might be moving due to getting a job and wont start work the day you move. In that case you might feel like you have a LOT of time on your hands and not know what to do (especially if your roommate is working and has time and a schedule of their own to figure out or live out.)

2. Meet people.

So if you aren’t moving to a new city or town, this may not apply to you…But I’ve found out that I’ve had a lot of alone time as I don’t start work until tomorrow. In the meantime, most the packing has been done and I’m kinda alone and bored during the day.

So go.

Get out.

Meet people.

Find things to do outside of your house/apartment.

 

 

3. Get started unpacking right away.

Pro tip: Start unpacking your room first. I was told that by unpacking that first and getting it organized helps you feel more relaxed and at home at the end of the day and let me now tell you this… It works. Even if you have the rest of the house/apartment to do. Start. With. Your. Room.

 

 

4. Explore. Find out whats around you.

Get to know your local area. Find grocery stores, churches, libraries, grocery stores, gas stations and other such things. Get to know your area. Take a day to wander and explore and know the area around where you live.

 

5. Set up well in advance.

By that I mean power and internet mostly or whatever you might need. For example: My roomie and I didn’t really look into many places as well as we should have and the first power company we were with wouldn’t give us power until October 4th! After switching companies we finally got power today after being 5ish days without it. So plan, plan, PLAN and get it all set up at least a week before your move in date. Power and internet companies say they can have it set up in a few days but give them at LEAST a week so call ahead. I mean unless you want to be eating food that doesn’t need to be cooked or refrigerated or taking showers and going to the washroom in the dark… Oh the joys of first time moving out.

 

 

Thus Begins A New Chapter

As one chapter comes to an end, another begins.

write

I feel like this last week has been me adulting like crazy.

I’ve been meeting with some of my best friends.

I’ve been setting up power and internet stuff.

I’ve been buying furniture and dishes.

I’ve been trying to change my cell phone plan to better fit this next step in life and SO much more.

 

Why?

 

Because I’m moving.

Away from home.

To a new job.

With a new apartment.

 

I will still be around and blogging so don’t worry about that 😉 but yeah. I’m moving. I’ve been living with my giant lovable family for 19 years so this is a weird experience for me as I’m also moving 6 hours away from my family. I’m gonna miss them like crazy but I’m thankful for technology so we can talk frequently and stay connected but I’m also so excited.

I’ll  be moving in with me bookworm, writer and nerdy fangirl bestie so that will make the transition a little easier so thats exciting. (Our tea and book collection combined will be envied by all for sure.) I’ll be moving to a new town and away from the nosy people I’ve had major run ins in town this summer. (#villagelife)

But by moving to a new town it means I’ll (once again saying it) be far from my really good friends, my family, and my church family. I know I will meet new people but I know that even when I do, they won’t ever replace the people I have met here.

The people who have impacted and changed my life.

It’s kinda what I’ve been dwelling on but I know that I’m not leaving forever and so my family and my friends who have become my family will see me again. With that I just want to say this:

No matter where you go, your family and friends will still be with you. Their love goes with you wherever you go. SO if you are called to go across the world then go. Or if you are called to move across town then go. If you are called to another town, city, or village, then GO.

Just do it.

Go.

Have fun. Enjoy life and know that as this new chapter in your life begins that the people you know and love go with you in your heart.

Scars to your beautiful

You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful, it’s true

11nmjkfjgk

 

Recently I heard the song ‘Scars to your Beautiful” by Alessia Cara on the radio. I’ve really grown fond of her because her music is not dirty, inappropriate crap about sex and drugs..and then when I heard her song Scars To Your Beautiful, I had a new appreciation for this music artist.

I was so happy to hear an artist speak out about this ever growing issue of society making women (and men) insecure about their bodies and who they are as a person.

What I love about people is when they’re just being themselves and not worrying about what they look like.” is a quote from the commentary in the music video (shared below) and it couldn’t be more true. There is nothing more beautiful than someone who is just being themselves. Fully and completely themselves.

 

Its a beautiful thing.

 

Now I’m not saying its easy to forget comments made to you about how you look or what people think. Especially if those comments have been negative or you are a people pleaser like me. Its hard to put the negative or your insecurities out of your mind…Especially when people seem to be brutally honest these days and say whatever they feel whether its true or not…

 

And society is essentially bipolar. It really is.

When it comes to who you are and should be and how you should look and act, society is always changing its ideas.

 

Its unpredictable and constantly changing.

 

Something I’m still learning is to realize that its okay to be me and that I’m beautiful the way I am. And that if people don’t like it, then it doesn’t matter because then they never really cared for who I am as a person.  Its a long hard process to put aside all my insecurities and things people have said to me about my size/body in the past but things are moving in a positive direction for me. Its slow but its there. So know that even though you are trying to love yourself for who you are and it feels like you are going nowhere, know that it takes time. By not loving yourself, you are hating and hurting yourself.

Healing takes time and thats ok.

Think on that and also I hope you are encouraged by the words of this song and what the people in the video have to say. I know I was.

 

 

“Scars To Your Beautiful” by Alessia Cara

She just wants to be beautiful
She goes unnoticed, she knows no limits,
She craves attention, she praises an image,
She prays to be sculpted by the sculptor
Oh she don’t see the light that’s shining
Deeper than the eyes can find it
Maybe we have made her blind
So she tries to cover up her pain, and cut her woes away
‘Cause covergirls don’t cry after their face is made

But there’s a hope that’s waiting for you in the dark
You should know you’re beautiful just the way you are
And you don’t have to change a thing
The world could change its heart
No scars to your beautiful, we’re stars and we’re beautiful
Oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
And you don’t have to change a thing
The world could change its heart
No scars to your beautiful, we’re stars and we’re beautiful

She has dreams to be an envy, so she’s starving
You know, “Covergirls eat nothing.”
She says, “Beauty is pain and there’s beauty in everything.”
“What’s a little bit of hunger?”
“I could go a little while longer,” she fades away
She don’t see her perfect, she don’t understand she’s worth it
Or that beauty goes deeper than the surface
Ah oh, ah ah oh,
So to all the girls that’s hurting
Let me be your mirror, help you see a little bit clearer
The light that shines within

There’s a hope that’s waiting for you in the dark
You should know you’re beautiful just the way you are
And you don’t have to change a thing
The world could change its heart
No scars to your beautiful, we’re stars and we’re beautiful
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh
And you don’t have to change a thing
The world could change its heart
No scars to your beautiful, we’re stars and we’re beautiful

No better you than the you that you are
(no better you than the you that you are)
No better life than the life we’re living
(no better life than the life we’re living)
No better time for your shine, you’re a star
(no better time for your shine, you’re a star)
Oh, you’re beautiful, oh, you’re beautiful

There’s a hope that’s waiting for you in the dark
You should know you’re beautiful just the way you are
And you don’t have to change a thing
The world could change its heart
No scars to your beautiful, we’re stars and we’re beautiful
Whoa-oh-oh-oh, whoa-oh-oh-oh, whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh
And you don’t have to change a thing
The world could change its heart
No scars to your beautiful, we’re stars and we’re beautiful

Time To Fall Into Things

So.

Summer has come to an end and fall begins.

Its my first semester where I’m a graduated human being and so far things have been weird and uncomfortable. I feel I should be doing something but I don’t know what.

 

9f346tuoaq

 

 

So in this post, I’m gonna address the elephant in the room. My blog has changed! The change might seem sudden and maybe I should have warned you all considering I knew about this for a while…but I didn’t. Honestly the reason I didn’t warn anyone was because I was on the fence about it all.

Do I change the blog? or do I leave it? I even entertained the idea of starting a new blog. But then I decided, I have some lovely and wonderful followers here so why leave them behind and hope they find my new blog? and who wants to go back and forth between two blogs? YUCK.

 

Please know that I still love books and writing and will continue to post about those things! But I also want to branch out. Personally I feel that God has put a lot on my heart lately with things going on in our world and I wanna speak up and talk about them. Part of the reason things keep getting worse and worse is because people don’t take action against that ever-growing thing. Talking about an issue won’t fix it…but it can start a movement.

So thats kind of where I’m at with the new blog at this moment but know that all my bookish love and craziness will still continue. There will just be more posts like THIS and THIS.

 

Also if you have something on your heart you want to blog about, let me know! I don’t care if you are a writer or not or have a blog. You can guest post on my blog, no problem. If you’ve got something you want to say then say it. Let me help you get your words out there 🙂

 

Comment below or fill out the contact form on my contact page if you wish. And if you don’t wanna guest post and just read stuff, then by all means go ahead!

 

See you around the blog!

 

signature

 

 

Time for a change

My blog is gonna go through a name change!

m7w3d9bn92

Why the name change?

Because people change and with those changes ones life changes. I still LOVE writing and books and will continue to post about those but on top of that there will be a wider variety of posts. Talking about the media, society, life, mental health and anything else that comes to mind. -Its still the same old me. Just giving the blog a facelift and name change to also reach out to other people too.

 

 

What is it gonna be?

I have two blog names in mind and most likely by the time you read this the name will be changed ( 😉 ) so I guess you will see what it is then 🙂

 

 

Will my posts stay the same?

Yes! I will still write about books and writing but I will just add some more posts and topics! (See above)

 

 

Other things you should know:

My blog URL will stay the same! and its still me! Just broadening and changing things. It will be great!

 

 

Unashamed by Lecrae

Back with another book review! Wooh! Look at me go. I am on a roll!!   *cough cough* ANYWAYS. Today I’m gonna be reviewing ‘Unashamed’ by Lecrae…and for those of you who don’t know. Lecrae is a rapper/songwriter and honestly … Continue reading

The Rest of Us Just Live Here by Patrick Ness

Hey look at that! I FINALLY have a book review on here again. I just read this book this weekend and have been reading through it this month with Briana Morgan and I just finished it this weekend! I had … Continue reading