One of those days

****** THIS IS AN OLD POST FROM MARCH 2018 AND IT WAS COMPLETE BUT I NEVER HIT PUBLISH FOR SOME REASON******

Today was one of those days where I was in an off mood and the LAST thing I wanted to do was attend Day of Prayer at school today… But I’m so glad I did (even though it  was mandatory and I didn’t have much choice)

Day of prayer is something that occurs once per semester at my college and last semester I loved it. But this time I went into it with a pretty horrible attitude. I was mad because I had so much homework to do and a paper due the next day and the last thing I wanted to do was go sit in chapel all day.

Pretty horrible attitude am I right? But here I was CONVINCED it was going to be horrible and I was so stressed and angry that it’s actually quite embarrassing.

It was about halfway through the morning session and I was ANNOYED. I just wanted to get out of there and do homework but despite that I felt God tugging at my heart and so I, somewhat bitterly, picked up my journal and started to just write and vent my frustrations, telling God everything. The main one being that I was frustrated cause I felt like I didn’t have very many good friends around school or people that cared about me.  (not looking for sympathy I’m just saying it how it is. I was stressed and tired ) I was kind of bitterly just daring God to prove to me that I wasn’t alone.

You’d think by now I should have known better than to test or dare God because I find whenever I do that God kind of comes at me and proves me wrong. Sometimes I just picture Him with a smirk on His face kind of being like, “Did you really think I was just going to ignore you?” and today… well today was one of those moments.

Shortly upon finishing my prayer and journalling I had a friend come up to me and just hand me a note, say the words, “I just felt like I needed to give this to you.” and walked off after a moment or two of conversation. Shortly after this I had my boyfriend and a few other people I know bring me notes as well. Upon reading these notes, I found them to be ones of great encouragement and proving the opposite of how I was feeling. This was God proving to me that he has put people in my life to encourage me and be with me.

Just with this post I really want to encourage you to seek God. Go to God when you are happy or feeling fine but don’t forget to turn to him when you are angry, hurting or feeling lost. Because frankly, God never leaves you, even if you think He does. Or you think that He has forgotten about you. (And I know this isn’t easy as I struggle with this too but I hope you can find this whole thing encouraging in some way)

 

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Open the Eyes of My Heart

So recently I did a ‘How to’ post on how to survive a modular course in college, but today I wanted to talk about a more serious side of my Modular course where my eyes were really opened to God’s work in my life. This really impacted me when my eyes were opened to an absence in my life.

So the week of February 28th/March I took a modular course called Hebrew Poetry and Wisdom and through it, God opened my mind and my heart to the realization that I didn’t and don’t know as much of the bible as I thought.

That hit me HARD.

I mean, in the first place, I’ve never really been someone who has boasted on their knowledge of the Bible and perfect relationship with God but I definitely thought I knew more than I did.

This course I took went over Old Testament Hebrew Poetry and Wisdom Literature (hence the name.) which were the books of Job, Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and Songs of Solomon. Taking this course made me realize how little I knew in general but out of the five books of the Bible we looked at I have only for sure, as far as my memory serves me, read ONE of them to completion.

ONE. 

Up until coming to school I realized how much of the Bible had gone unread by myself. Even now there is still so much of the Old Testament I haven’t read and even more of the New.

With this realization I was left shocked. I, someone who grew up in a christian home and attending church regularly thought I knew all there is to know about God and the Bible but I was proved wrong.

Put in my place.
Hit in the face by my own lack of knowledge – my own ignorance to this fact.

From there I realized how much I’ve been missing these hints from God that I need to be spending more time with Him and in His word. That being at Bible College is going to teach me things bit if I don’t know God and what His word says, then what is the point?

I strongly encourage you to sit back and take time with God. Talk to Him. Ask Him to reveal to you what you know or don’t know. Grow in Him. Grow in His word. Run to Him with arms wide open and dive into His love -gain knowledge and understanding in Him.  It’s not always going to be easy and there may be days where it’s not going to be easy or you won’t want to take that time in your schedule to dive in God’s word (trust me, I know. I get that sometimes) but in the end I assure you it will be SO rewarding.

Dear Body, I’m sorry

Dear Body,

I’m sorry for the way I treated you.

I’m sorry that I hate you, that I blame you for the reason I hate myself. Why I can’t look at you in the mirror. I’m sorry for blaming you for my pain.

It’s not your fault, because for almost 21 years you’ve kept me going and kept me moving. Yes, sometimes I’m in pain and I don’t love you the way I should but it’s not your fault. You are doing what you do best. What you were designed and created to do and I have not been treating you kindly.

From here on out I’m going to try my best. I’m going to take care of you this time. This year is going to be a learning curve for me but I’m not going to treat you the way I have anymore…. Why?

Well, because you are beautiful, you keep me living, moving, and breathing.

You were designed perfectly and I’ve neglected you.

No longer am I going to look on you as my worst enemy when I look in the mirror.

I’m not going to shed tears anymore because I hate you… because I don’t.

I love you.

 

How to Survive a Modular Course

For those of you who don’t know, Modular Courses are essentially a semester long college course condensed into five days of classes. So instead of taking a reading week break I decided I’d be one of the crazy people who would take one of these courses. Because I took one of these courses I wanted to make a list on how to survive one of these courses and get the most out of it!

I also want to note two things before I start. 1) In regards to Mod courses, the one I took was easier in workload (assignment and reading wise) than most. and 2.) All professors teach different and approach mod courses differently so I will talk specifically about some things in my class that may not happen in your course should you take one.

NOW. With that said, lets start the post!

How to Survive a Mod Course in 7(ish) Steps

1. Take time beforehand to do any prep work

It is SO important to make sure you do any required reading needed before classes start (if any) and any assignments that might be due the first day of classes. On top of that take a few minute to look over the course syllabus and familiarize yourself with what will be required of you in the course.

 

        1.5. But also be sure to take some downtime you are going to need before classes start.

This is also important. Give yourself time to do any preparation work, of course, but also take time to relax before your mod course if you can because if you are taking a mod it is a semesters amount of material in a week so that means LONG days in a classroom and lots of learning to be done. So don’t exhaust yourself before the course even begins!

 

2. Make sure you show up to class prepared!

Obviously you will need some pens or pencils as well as paper or a laptop to take notes (i personally find it better for me to focus if I’m writing my notes on paper) Though even if you do write notes on paper bring your laptop if your professor has made the powerpoint slides they will be using for the class available to you so you can follow along that way or if you are slower at writing it will be great to keep up with the slides and note taking while going at your own pace and not being too rushed either. This also is solely dependent on the class but you may also need to bring your bible with you. I attend a bible college and this course was specifically studying books of the bible so thats kind of important. Which leads to a quote from my roommate and her words of wisdom: “Bring your bible. Even if it’s not a biblical course, because you need to pray to Jesus to make it through.”

 

3. Bring Munchies and a Water-bottle

For my mod course we were in class from 8:30AM until 4-4:45PM daily (with a 1 hour lunch break) and I’m someone who loves her snacks so if you are like me make sure you bring something to munch on. The healthier the better but I mean whatever you want, go for it. But yes. Snacks and water are a must because its a long day.

 

3.5. Also coffee/tea and energy drinks will be your friend

On top of bringing water every morning to class I had either tea, coffee, or a red bull with me to keep me awake… which leads me to my next point.

 

4. SLEEP IS IMPORTANT

This is solely going to be a case of “do as I say, not as I do.” because honestly I was up until around 1-2AM each night this week watching Ouran High School Host Club so please don’t do that and PLEASE get sleep. Sleep is going to help you so much with being attentive and awake during your classes.

 

5. Dress Comfortably

I cannot stress this enough! You will be in a classroom ALL day and not moving much so dress comfortably.

 

6. Take Time to Study

I know, I know. I’m sure the last thing you want to do is study after being in a class all day but if your class was like mine where at the beginning of each class there was a quiz on the last day’s lecture then you are going to want to study for that quiz.

 

7. Have fun!

Think of it this way, the course only lasts a week and even though it might be a lot of work just have fun with it! Enjoy the opportunity to learn! I found that not allowing myself to stress over the course that I came to really enjoy the course and learn so many things I didn’t know before.

 

Let Me Tell You A Story

A story about a boy and a girl who fell in love almost 4 years ago.

Who lived 16 hours apart and quickly became best friends.

Who chose to give a long distance relationship a try.

Who have now been dating almost 2 years.

Photo of me and my man taken by Marley Felicia Photography

So as you all know it’s Valentine’s day and because of that I want to share about how my boyfriend and I met and basically just use this opportunity to try and explain what an amazing human my boyfriend is. Basically it’s gonna be a lovey dovey post so if that isn’t your things then you can stop here.

Kolton and I met through online school in October 2014. We both bonded over our love for video games, more specifically Skyrim, which happened to be both our favourites. True nerd love right there. After that, we texted and/or video chatted every single day. Just talking and getting to know each other. It wasn’t until the early spring of 2015 when I told him I liked him, even though I liked him pretty soon after we started talking and at first he said he didn’t like me back but we still kept talking and getting to know each other and it wasn’t soon after that Kolton told me he liked me back.

First time we met

The first time we ever met in person was at a conference in May 2015. I remember being so nervous to meet him worried we would meet in person and everything would go so wrong and he wouldn’t like me after that. But then he let me borrow a huge box of books so clearly it was love…Okay but book jokes aside it was scary to meet him! Cause I liked him so much and I was worried I wouldn’t be who he thought I was or I would make a fool of myself.  That following July he came to my house the first time and I was head over heels by this point and I knew I wanted to date him one day. Sometime after that I asked him to be my escort for grad in June 2016. I’m not sure when but I asked him anyways but in hindsight I was such a nervous wreck about it. I kept dropping NOT so subtle hints cause I was so scared to ask him. But the whole time he was patient and waited for me to actually say it. (In hindsight it was also a total embarassment…but in the end it got me a hot date for my grad/next few years of my life so its not all that bad) Up until my Grad in June 2016 we met up as often as we could, Kolton staying at my house with me and my family for a few days to a week at a time. We officially became a couple and started dating June 13th 2016 (after both his and my grad as we were each other’s escorts) and it’s been a beautiful and sometimes crazy and frustrating journey all the same.

Despite all insanity of every day I’m reminded why I love Kolton. 

Aside from the obvious that I find him extremely good looking, he is such a funny person. He always knows how to make me laugh and his pun game is on point. (Hello, we took a photo in a corn feild during our photoshoot because he said it would be a corny photo…)

He has always been kind and caring – always so considerate of everyone and how they feel. Like, if you have met this guy you know what I mean. I have never met a more caring soul in my lifetime. He just genuinely cares for everyone he crosses paths with. And though I bug him about being too social (any introverts in the house?? or is it just me?) it’s really an admirable quality I wish I had.

He goes out of his way to help friends, family or myself when we need it withough batting an eye. I remember over Christmas break this year he knew my mum was going out and so he went outside and cleaned off her vehicle so it was ready for her to go. There has also been countless times he has made food for me just because or taken care of me when life has gotten tough or I’ve been sick.

He is my best friend and number one support. And despite my impatience and wanting to just get engaged/married already (I mean why wouldn’t I?) he always reminds me to be patient and to wait on God’s timing. Sometimes he annoys me so much because he keeps reminding me I need to be patient and wait on God for things and while it’s annoying as heck cause I just want to do what I want on my own time sometimes (I’ll admit to my impatience. I’m working on it) he ALWAYS points me back to God and reminds me to be patient and trust God with everything.

 

So yeah. This is our little story. Hope you enjoyed it and Happy Valentines Day everyone! I hope your day is filled with overwhelming amounts of joy and love you can carry with you for the rest of your life.

I’ll Be Home For Christmas…

You can count on me. Please have snow and mistletoe and presents on the tree. I’ll be home for Christmas!

So the reason for my being MIA is due to my being at college. (In case you didn’t know due to my forgetfulness to mention things or you are new and visiting the blog for the first time.) For some reason, I thought my first semester was going to be so chill and easy and…while it was easier than I had initially thought I’ve been so busy on a daily basis it’s not even close to funny. Penpals haven’t received responses (but they have not been forgotten), Bookstagram hasn’t had very much TLC, My blog has been abandoned and while I have been able to keep up with a bit of reading (textbooks aside) I still haven’t had much time for downtime.

Experiencing now, my first ever semester of college, I can look upon the semester with some stress, confusion, and frustration, I’m also really proud of myself. And no, not in the ‘oh wow I’m so amazing and better than everyone else!’ proud but just proud of my accomplishments and that I even made it this far. Because if you had asked me last year if I was going to college I may have said I was going to try as I was upgrading high school classes at the time but it’s still quite surreal that I’m even here right now and a week and a half away from going home for Christmas break! Being here at Bible College has been such an eye-opener for me and an amazing experience…well, amazing as long as we ignore and forget the caf food here is the worst. Caf food aside this college has been a huge experience for me with so many learning curves and trying new things to help me grow not only academically, but spiritually. One of those things was in my Spiritual Theology class where we had to spend 24hours fasting and in complete solitude. While it was something I’m not sure I’m too keen on doing on a regular basis it was still an amazing time and wonderful experience to be able to connect with God in a new way. And now I actually know from experience what it is like to be in prayer and fasting for 24 hours and spend one on one time with God in such an interesting and intimate way. ( I am hoping to write up a post or two over Christmas break about my classes and what I learned and more about what I’m planning to do here at school.) I’m actually quite sad my last day of that Spiritual Theology class is ending but I know that its time to move on to other classes and get other things done and just keep learning!

Within the next week and a half before heading home I have 3 final exams to complete and while I’m slightly nervous I know I can and will put my best work into studying and prep for these exams and make sure I’m ready to take them on and pass them. Despite that, these last few weeks the words from the Christmas song, ‘I’ll be home for Christmas’ has been stuck in my head. This year especially has had that song as my #1 favorite because it’s true! I’ll be home for Christmas! Last year I spent Christmas in my apartment 6 hours away from my family. While I spend Christmas day with some relatives in the area I still missed my parents and siblings and grandparents. The homesickness was even worse when I got a phone call from my dad later in the morning on Christmas Day saying my Papa was rushed to the hospital due to having a stroke. It made Christmas so hard for me because I was scared I was going to lose my Papa. One of my best friends for these short 20 years of my life. I thank God every day, especially as Christmas nears, that my Papa has fully recovered and is still here with our family. But that makes me all the more anxious to be home this time for Christmas. To see my family and spend time with them, hug them a little longer, lose sleep staying up late to spend time with them, and just being home with the people who love me most even though I’m not home right now.

Merry (Early) Christmas Everyone! ❤

I Am Who I Am…

Your approval is NOT needed.

 

It doesn’t matter if it’s because of who I am as a person or how I look. I do not need your approval when living my life. I do not need you to tell me how to look, how to walk, how to talk, what to be.

I am created and loved by a God who designed me perfectly and without flaw. A God who knew every moment of my life, all my ups and downs, my heartbreaks and joys, and all my passions and talents….all before I was born and my parents even knew I was on the way. The same goes for you too.

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10

It doesn’t matter who does or doesn’t support you or understand. If something makes you happy and God has called you to it, then do it. In the heat of the moment, we may not fully be able to understand what God’s calling is for our lives but when those moments come and the hard times creep up on you, following you like your shadow on a dimly lit street. When it seems the whole world is against you. Telling you who you should be or what you should do you need to realize you aren’t here to please other people. You are here to further God’s kingdom…and the only one you need to please is Him. When that moment comes you need to take a stand and say, “No. I am who I am and I am following where God is leading me.”

And sometimes that’s all it takes.

 

 

 

 

 

“You made me; you created me. Now give me the sense to follow your commands. May all who fear you find in me a cause for joy, for I have put my hope in your word.” Psalm 119:73-74

A Guest Post on Positivity

So today I am sharing with you a guest post written by my friend Irma and I hope you enjoy her words of wisdom.

Positivity. What is positivity?(Insert sarcasm here) I think everyone in this generation has some sense of the word. It means happiness and good vibes right? (what does that even mean?)

I think everyone in this generation has some sense of the word. It means happiness and good vibes right? (what does that even mean?)

I have been on a journey, and have been learning the power of positivity, but not necessarily in the way you might think.

There are two types of positivity: with and without realism. Let me elaborate.

The former is what we constantly see. Its intentions are good, very honorable. It is colorful and bright, with words like “express yourself!” and “You’re enough!”

Now before I start a blow up online I would like to say that I believe in these things. But without context and without anything deeper, they leave us void and meaningless. They are pretty words without depth, blind to the pain and brokenness of the world that we live in.

“If we’re going to fight a disease let’s fight one of the most terrible diseases of all… indifference.”   -Robin Williams (as Patch Adams)

I came across a tribute video to Robin Williams the other day, with some of his famous movie quotes. I quite like the one above.

Positivity with realism. Now that is a challenge. But this is real positivity, it is what we call Joy. It is able to look into the world, see the despair, the hurt, the brokenness and the pain. It does not refute the fact that there are wars, starving people, and women being raped. It acknowledges the presence of the evil in the world and yet looks beyond. Joy chooses to stand in the face of fear and darkness, and say no. Not today. There is still goodness, and I choose to hope. It is having the ability to see the terrible things and yet still be kind, still be encouraging, still be happy, and still have compassion, instead of sinking into despair.

Positivity is not the absence of negativity. It is standing in the midst of it and choosing who you want to be.

 

Here is a snippet about Irma’s blog from her ‘About’ page:

 Life is a crazy beautiful ride, and every day is a new adventure. I’m excited to share with you all that God is teaching me, as well as the crazy, random moments of my daily life. This blog is a hodge podge of the things that make me, well… me. My hope is that in it you will be encouraged, inspired and that you’ll go out and share your own story.

You can check out Irma’s blog by clicking HERE.

An Open Letter

So I posted this letter to my personal facebook page about a month ago but due to a reoccurrence I’m posting it here as well hoping to just get everything off my chest.

To the person who commented anonymously on myself and my boyfriend’s snapchat,

You succeeded. When you said that I was fat and ugly and that my boyfriend could do way better, I believed it. So as I said…

You win.

Mission successful.

10 Points for Slytherin… (or whatever your preferred catchphrase)

I’ve tried not to let it bother me but something you may not know is that most days I’m not happy with my body. It’s true, I used to be skinnier and more fit than I am now and on my bad days I beat myself up about it way more than I should because life is rough and I’m my own worst critic.
So congratulations, the anonymous friend of me and my boyfriend. You’ve successfully ruined my last few days even though I’ve tried so hard to ignore it.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me, right?

Wrong.

But despite all this, I will say a few things.

1. I’m sorry you felt the need to take out whatever is bothering and eating at you on me and you had to hide behind an anonymous username (or no name at all) to say what you really think. Honestly, if you have a problem say it to my face. I’m not angry with you…I’m just trying to make sense of it all

And 2. I honestly and sincerely hope that even though what you said to me hurt that no one dares utter those words to you. Those words that can tear apart your entire day and emotionally hurt. Those words that make you feel worthless and undeserving of the one person in SO long that has actually shown you they cared and loved you so much.
I really hope those words are never uttered to you and I say that with 100% sincerity.

And last but not least:
3.Despite everything your words have made me question and how much it hurt, I forgive you.

Sometimes You Gotta Refocus…

Rethink.

Refocus.

Move Forward.

So I have some more guest posts coming in the next week or two but I thought I should pop in and share some thoughts with you as well as a verse of encouragment. As I’ve mentioned a little bit here and there, this year I really focused on upgrading some high school courses so I could attend college this fall and I have arrived! But with that, I want to talk about focus and priorities.

Reaching your goals takes a lot of doing what you don’t feel like doing and also hard times. And when that happens, sometimes you’ve gotta refocus. I really learned that over the last year as I had to buckle down and do work I didn’t want to do and meet deadlines that feel almost impossible to meet. As I sit here at college having survived the first week of classes I’m realizing that it’s all the same as before. Slightly harder work and lots of it but still the same. And in those moments of stress and frustration when I feel like I’m drowning in all I have to do I’ve had to learn to stop, take a minute or two to just breathe and then reflect about why I’m doing this all and what it’s for. – What the point is behind all this paperwork and daily readings for classes the next day.

Refocus on my goals then move forward knowing that this is not pointless. That there is a plan and final goal in mind.

A long-term plan.

So just remember that if you feel exhausted, or swamped with homework, studies, work or even just life to stop and take a minute to breathe and reflect on what will come from what you are doing right now.

^{11 “}For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” – Jeremiah 29:11-13